


Who else could help my Anxiety?

by Song_Book



Series: Who else could help but you? [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey Sanders / Morality | Patton Sanders, Background Logic | Logan Sanders, Comfort/Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders tries to be a good friend, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Deceit | Janus Sanders mention, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is Not a Good Friend, Non-Graphic Smut, Remus may or may not have a crush on Virgil, Smut in the last chapter, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unsympathetic Light Sides - Freeform, Who else can help with overwhleming thoughts than the king of impulsivity?, With a smuttier ending at the last chapter, authorial wish fufillment, flashbacks as part of the story mechanism, light sides mentioned, spelling errors will be fixed as i find them, they all live in the same joint home thing, wrote this on my phone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24701155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_Book/pseuds/Song_Book
Summary: When Virgil gets trapped in a harsh cycle of anxiety and tearing himself down, he only know one person who he can go to. It turns out he's been doing the same thing for years, venturing into Remus's room to feel better after that first fateful day when he was dragged there too watch disney movies until he felt better.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Who else could help but you? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785748
Comments: 7
Kudos: 78





	1. All the times Ive been there

**Author's Note:**

> POV is Remus because i love him.  
> I may end up changing some parts of this fic in the future just so the story flows better.

"Remus"

The knocking on his door was incessant, but he didnt really feel up to actually getting out of bed. Rolling over instead pulling a pillow over his head.. literally.

" Remus.. please.. I know you arent asleep yet. "

" And who would be at fault for that?"

" I'm sorry.. i just.. i didnt know where else to go." The voice was way too soft to be Dee and.. scared.. it was anxious. Remus sat up yanking the pillow off his head. Pulling his curled hair into even more of a mess. He recognized that voice, even if it took concentrating his rambling, checking the clock, 2am thoughts.

" Fuck... It's.. unlocked." He stayed in bed but actually threw on one of the shirts hanging off and forgotten before on a bed post. Knowing the strategy even if an onlooker would have had no idea what was going on.

The door clicked and slowly opened, a crying form shuffling inside the smallest crack in the door. The room was too dark for its true mess to be fully visable. Remus turned on his green shaded table lamp, it lending only a bit more light into the room. Though as the door was shut again it was a beacon light towards the surprizing soft bed Remus sat upon. 

Keeping his mouth shut, he opened the covers on his bed patting the space next to him, the matress was bogged down in the middle where he sat, and the sheets were surely not the cleanest they could be but it was good enough. He rolled over to the loud fan on his other side, turning it up but facing it the other way as not to onset a cold breeze in the cold room. Its whirling blades causing a louder whitenoise affect to move throughout the room.

The bed sagged drawing his attention back to his left.  
" I'm sorry... I-"  
" Don't be." He broke his self imposed silence pulling the patchwork covers over the purple haired boy. " I said Whenever. I meant it. "

-7 years ago-

" Hey Virge. Are you sane in there?"  
Remus had been awake way too late doing something or the other that wasnt important, stumbling past Virgil's door to hear the quiet crying behind it. 

" I'm. Fine.."  
The response was harsh, dreadfully in his loud voice. But that didn't detere Remus, couldnt read the room if he was trying Remus, instead it pushed him to venture into Virgil's room. Dark and dreary and very very purple, it matched it's occupant save for the fact the poor boy infront of him was crying.  
" You aren't Janni.. don't lie to me Vee."  
" Its nothing. Nothing important."  
" Nothing I do is important. What you do is. What is up with you?"

Another wave of tears smeared dark beguinner's makeup.  
" I cant get these thoughts out of my head!" His voice turned soft, too soft. Remus could barely keep his own quips locked away, he wanted to reply he had the same issue and he was fine, but somehow kept it locked in. Maybe it was the true tears, or the fact this was the first time he had seen the otherwise nonchalant and only slightly anxious boy be upset.

" They called me paranoid.. and i cant help but believe them"

" Whose 'them'?" Remus responded, pulling a batton from his back pocket and flicking it open. Ready to go and beat someone for making such an assertion.

" Logan.. and Patton... they said all i ever do is think of what could ever go wrong. I just don't want to have someone end up hurt. "  
Remus put his weapon back in his pocket, coming up to Virgil and throwing an arm around him.  
" I dont think staying here alone is gonna do anything for you. I have a copy of Nightmare before Christmas in my room!"

The white birthmark of a streak in his hair had barely started growing in, greying out the curly brown that was there before hand. It made him look older, even if he was the younger twin of him and Roman, and even if he was generally the same age as his house mate. He seemed more mature, at least in age, a fact that he had made up for by acting like a fool 99% of the time. 

" I dont know."

" Well you can always escape back here if you figure out what you do want."  
Remus pulled the boy to his feet. Dragging him back to his room far far down the hall, he had recently moved into a different room in the mansion they all shared. It was far away from his old one. Pushing him into a patchwork green bean bag chair and turning on the movie. Snacks and soda were offered and taken. Soon the anxious mess was sound asleep as the movie continued, wrapped up in a blanket off Remus's bed he would have been too ashamed to properly ask for if Remus didnt throw it at him. Carried back to and set down gently in his own room with the duvet wrapped around him.

He woke up that morning, warm and no longer in that frame of mind that had caused such a fit. He barely remembered the night previously and neither of them brought up the experience. Even if it meant that Remus had to steal back his duvet while Virgil was out and about.

He had whispered something back then, a "I hope I could be useful." He didnt think Virgil was awake enough to hear it. 

\- 4 years ago -

Remus had returned to his room after staying out the house for the day to find a very upset Virgil on his beanbag chair. He was rocking himself back and forth muttering, sobbing, the dvd player unplugged infront of him. A slew of movie cases, both from his own and Remus's collection spread out, whether he had brought them all over moments previous or that was just a representstion of how many times they had spent watching darker films together he didnt know. Thought it didnt seem like he had chosen any to watch yet. The remote was still ontop of the old almost busted up tv. 

Remus's grey streak had fully come in at this point, as well as his entire aesthetic, pulling his life together. His room, his world slowly turning green and black and grey over the years, with the only other colors red of blood.. and surprizing a little bit of purple. As the boy who was slowly becommung a resident of his room had fully dyed his hair a less obnoxious shade of it after the dare that had put it that way to begin with finished it's course.

" Virgil? " he called out, dropping his jacket over his dresser as he always did stepping over piles of sketchbooks and a cd cases. Wandering over to the beanbag chair.  
" Virgil, did you hear me?" He waited a few moments, deciding to act as his mind was racing with what to do. He had seen Patton hug Virgil before and that seemed to calm him down if only slightly. He could try that. 

Long arms reached around the shaking form and constricted him into a hug. Pulling Virgil's sobbing into the muffling, ruffled fabric of Remus's shoulderpadding. It took a few rounds of the crying for Virgil to remove his hands from his face, and another couple of sniffles for for him to gradually hug Remus back. Remus focused on breathing steadily, on not blurting out whatever was on his mind at the next second, or focusing too much on the rapid fire intrusive thoughts in his mind that would surely cause Virgil more panic and fear if he stated them out loud.

Renus pulled himself away from the hug after the crying and heavy breathing had finnally calmed down. Running a hand down Virgil's arm in a mimicry of the soothing way Dee would do to Remus when he became overwhelmed.  
" Hey Virge.."

" Hey..."

" Do you want to talk about it?" 

" Not.. particularly.." He sniffled, looking at the damp patch on the ruffled shoulder padding wide eyed. " I'm sor-  
" Don't worry about it." Remus cut him off, he had no reason to apologise. 

" You wanna watch one of these with me?" Remus said, standing up and jesturing to the splayed out selection of movies as the anxious boy looked away towards the tv screen. 

" Ive seen all of them before." He sounded defeated, though much less completely on the edge.

" So what. That just means you can talk over them without missing anything important when your okay with spilling the beans. "

" I guess your right.."

Remus turned on the tv and plugged in the dvd player. Choosing one of the more general audience movies in the collection to pop in. 

He then clambered into his bed, situating himself to see the tv screen and lay on his stomach. Though Virgil seemed to still be too wrapped up in his thoughts to pay attention at all. 

" Virge. Come up here with me."

" I-"

" I'll drag you up here if you dont come willingly, the bean bag is only comfortabel to fall asleep in once. I know it." Remus patted the spot next to him. " I swear its clean."

Virgil sat up on the bed, though he was swiftly pulled down to lay on it next to Remus. Throwing the duvet cover over the boy.

The movie started playing, Remus quipping over it, some of them even getting a snicker or two out of the quiet boy behind him. Having sat up and laid down again against real pillows behind him. 

" Remus..."

" -You can come here when ever you feel like this," he started up, trying to cut off another apology from Virgil. Gesturing vaguely to the messy and green lit room.

" Why do you even care?"

" There is no rhyme or reason to what i do, i just do." He rolled over and sat up. Noticing just how smeared the makeup was on Virgil's face. It formed tear tracks down his cheeks and had been rubbed down his neck in hand trails.

At Virgil's silence with his answer, he grabbed a make up wipe out the carton on his dresser and tossed it at Virgil.

"Oh" Virgil jumped at the sudden material but caught it, examining the towellete before realizing it's purpose. " uh. Thanks."

"Always. Dont want you going back a complete mess."

" Would it be okay.. if I" he paused and tried to calm himself down enough to finish the sentence. " if I stayed here with you tonight?"

Remus smiled. " Always. Just don't expect me to go to bed at a reasonable time. But you can pass out here and i wont move you."

And the night continued with movies until Virgil had fallen asleep, clutching the duvet cover. With wuch a relaxed face, Remus, contray to his previous statement, did turn off the movies when he noticed it, crawling into a better sleeping postion, sharing the duvet cover for warmth. Wishing the other safe dreams, even when his own were too hard to bare most nights. 

And those shared nights would continue, both becoming more frequent as the year went on and stresses mounted and more drawn out, sometimes lasting from 8pm till noon the next morning, but neither really minded. 

The late night visits stopped however, and Remus coordinated in his mind this development with when Virgil was truely accepted into the main clique of the home. It only made sense, most of his problems when he chose to spill were about that group being awfully rude to him. Thought he didnt know about the medication Virgil was starting to help his anxiety began around the same time. Which played more into the number of attacked he fell victim too than any fake acceptance could. 

-Present-

" Do you want to talk about it. Or just lay here with me until the bad thoughts go away?"

Virgil just grabbed at Remus's arm pulling him into a hug. 

" You make the demons disappear." He whispered, barely far away from his neck that he could understand it. 

" Like a Green Gaurd Octopus!" He replied, " Demons fear me!" silly he knew, but he enjoyed the pause in the shaking infornt of him as Virgil process the absurd information let out a chuckle as the shaking resumed on course. Remus's ability to hold in his own thoughts had degraded with lack of use. He was happy it was only that one that had made it out. 

Virgil was shaking instead of crying, tear tracks in his make up dry. Remus wished he knew how to help more. He could deal with instrusive thoughts well enough on his own, but seeing someone else suffer from the same unwanted thought patterns was hard, seeing them suffer the harsh thoughts of another was even worse. 

" Do you want me to keep talking?"

" sure.."

Rambling slightly about whether or not they should entertain a movie or a show at this hour. How long they should each be staying up as they had an eventful day planned. About whatever topic came into his mind, such as his newest favorite thing in the world (Octopi). He talked, letting Virgle nod along to the onesided conversation, before slowly nodding off at his side. Remus looked down at the man sleeping next to him instantly shushing the thought bergade. Resolved to figure out what the problem was in the actual morning that brought him to such an awful state. 

The morning came with a startled start, as Remus rolled over for far too long when he shouldve hit a body. Instead finding a warm indent and pulled back covers. Looking around completely startled he noticed his door was left ajar, and Virgil's normal hoodie on the bed post that had once hung Remus's current shirt.

He could bsrely remember last night, and while his mind began down a fun but problably very unlikely thought pattern Virgil had reemerged from the door. Kicking it shut completely on a turn. He held two mugs in his hands, a coffee and a chocolate milk. Though he had to taste one to figure out which was which, as the amount of milk added into the coffee made it match the brown of the milk. 

" Hey PurplePuddin what's up with the mugs?" 

" I decided to be nice. Since i did barge into here at 2am. You still like Chocolate milk instead of a normal morning drink right? " offering the cold mug towards the begrungingly wide awake and very ruffled man. 

His eyes lit up nodding vigorously as he accepted the drink, " Vee you remembered that? How sweet. "

" How could I not... its a bit absurd. Like you. " He motioned towards the bed and shuffled even closer to it. Sipping the coffee in short bursts. Remus on the other hand had chugged about half the mug of milk down into his system. Putting it back down onto his bedside table before shuffling back over. 

Virgil sat down putting his own drink on the table aswell before turning around, embracing his friend. 

" I didnt think, youd still want me around. We've barely... I've made no effort too... " he sniffled into a full on crying sesh again in Remus's arms. Who just held him and rocked back and forth.  
" I said Always. I meant it... though you can repay me in kind by telling me what had you so worked up at 2 in the morning to come to me out of everybody. "

" I told them. About how badly this affects me. After they didnt realize how being off my medication really messes me up sometimes. And they laughed at me. And they told me I must be faking it. That I wasnt me anymore..." another around of crying had Remus hold him closer in his arms. Medication made sense in Remus's head, as to why Virgil stopped showing up in his room or at his door. Though he never got around to remembering to lock said door, just incase. 

" How long have you been off it?" 

" A few days. I ran out. And i cant drive to get more because driving makes me more anxious. And now that they all know what its for they dont wanna drive me to get it. " 

" I can drive you. If you can stand being seen out and about with me. " 

Virgil pulled away from him. Wiping his tears on his hand then on his jeans. Grabbing his coffee mug off the table behind him. 

" Promise?" 

" As much as i can promise you anythin Virge." 

" I'm so sorry ive ignored you this year. I didn't think you actually wanted me around. I couldnt bring myself to disobey, they all say your just a bad influence. "

" Well fuck them for laughing at your anxiety. Though I am a bad influence."

" I don't see it." 

" Well how about we stay in here for longer, watch a movie? I do not feel like getting up and looking for a pair of pants. " he muttered, realizing finally that he was not indeed in pants, but green and black plaid boxers. " The Nightmare before Christmas?"

" That sounds... Wonderful."


	2. Holding me back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A full day of getting to know each other again and relaxation is interupted when the source of Virgil's inital distress comes knocking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Sympathetic Remus. Unsympathetic Patton big time. Anti-Medication stance. Roman means well, and Logan realized the two were up to some nonsense and just decided to come back to the issue a different day after all the emotions went away. I am very much not projecting onto these characters at ALL. 
> 
> ... enjoy.

Pounding at his door at 5.08 that afternoon had drawn Virgil and Remus, currently playing some gory fighting video game sprawled out across Remus' carpeted floors, to staring at it. 

Virgil looked back and forth from it to Remus's confused expression and back again quickly. Having given up on playing the game entirely, his character dying, as a million and five different scerarios on why there was pounding tumbled into his lap. 

Virgil was slowly recovering, going back to his sarcastic replies of years past, the longer he stayed around Remus. Having reapplied his makeup lightly after Remus spent an hour wiping tears and black smudges off his face and neck. The pounding was slowly elciting the tears back. 

" Remus!" His brother yelled, pissed off, though he was easily upset at any little thing. " I know you are in there!" 

" Give him back! You fiend!" That was Patton, he definately wasnt even trying to seem happy today.

Remus looked from Virgil, who was trying to shush him and the locked door. Making a decision to humour the two just for a moment, Remus pulled Virgil and the bean bag he was on into the opposite corner of his room. So he wouldnt be visible from the door during this humouring.

" Give who back? I didnt kidnap anyone today" Remus yelled back. Unplugging the other controller for the 2nd player and tossing it for Virgil to catch. 

" We checked all the other rooms. We know he must be in there with you." Logan replied, though his voice was monotone and not showing any signs of upset or pissed off that the other two's voices sounded. He was probably only there to cover all the bases at home before going off without the others. 

" Maybe he left. You think of that?"

" He doesnt drive." Roman responded. He was probably too proud to realize why Virgil didnt drive. Remus laughed more too himself than anything and turned off the main light in his room. Letting the only light come from the green lamp on his bedside table and from the door that he may let open. The darkness hiding Virgil's form in the corner even from him.

" He couldve walked. I wouldn't want to stick around either if i got told my medication was worthless by those who I thought were my friends. " 

Roman stutted but shut up. It was Patton's turn to argue.

" The medication was making him act horrible. He was perfectly fine without it." He was completely oblivious, of course he had a problem with medication for mental health, he had a problem with anllmost any augmentation of the body. 

" if you call 'perfectly fine' having panic attacks and increased anxiety every few days. Im sorry for you." 

" It was bad!" He paused, a muffled sound behind the door and stomping sounded off before Patton continued. "How do you even know about that?!" 

"It is like im friends with people here, and can actually listen in coversations. "

" i Dont beleive it you're Bad, you are like a culmination in all the awfull things." Pattong was getting worked up. " How could you be friends with anybody but other wretched people. " That wretched line hit Virgil hard. He had been on and off freinds with Remus for a while now, he had cut allot of ties with him because of that sort of thinking perpetuaed by Patton. 

"Good and bad is all made up nonsense." He chuckled at the sing song way he said that, though being called horrible was starting to drainnon him. " You'd know that most of all PattyCake wouldnt you." 

He opened the door, neglecting again the fact he wasn't wearing pants, and his shirt had been taken off sometime as he and Virge had been getting way too into the fighting game and he refused to turn the air on in his room.

They two stood, slightly mortified at him actually opening the door for them, expecially just nonclantly in his underwear. The two didnt really know of the fights he'd been in or the reasons behind the scars across most of his body, but they sure did gawk at them. Virgil, long had been acquainted with the vast majority, mostly from falling off of things badly, and knew he wouldnt lie when explaining any new ones. 

The thing they were mostly staring at was the tattoo that reached around from behind his shoulder's and around his stomach from his back. Just the end's of tentacles in spirals hit his front. Tattoos went against the pervasive and shortsided morality of the two left infront of him.

" Is he in there?! Virgil! Darling! IS this horrible man keeping you in there???"  
Roman pushed against his brother in the doorway to look around, but the light didnt reach the far corners expecially the corner in which Virgil was sliently observing the whole situation. Questioning why he even wanted to be accepted by them in the first place. 

Patton was fuming on the inside, Remus thought about how if he waited long enough to open his mouth the steam would come from his ear's. Maybe his head would burst open. He gripped the door frame stopping Roman from pushing past him into the room. 

" I dont know what you got into your head about anything with OUR Virgil. But stay away from him! He doesn't need your filth making fun of his 'issues'. "

" ME! Making fun! Of HIS ISSUES?!" It was Remus's turn to fume. Though he didnt hold an ounce of the self control Patton must have to have any worry of steam admitting from his face.

" You laughed at him. You laughed AT him. " Remus started up, Roman pulled back, wide eyed as his brother gripped the doorframe. Staring down Patton, who inched away from the door. 

" He was my friend, and you laughed at him for trying to be open. All he wanted was to be accepted by you guys. To feel apart of the family. And you laughed him off the first time he tried to open up." He was growling out the words now, clearly becoming more and more pissed at the two who had nothing to say for themselves yet.

" I dont think he needs it really!" Patton started up, playing coi. But Remus was not in the mood to be placated. He growled, more literally this time. Roman stayed silent, observing the growing fierceness on Remus's face.

" He doesnt need the medication that helps him deal with his Anxiety! What do you recommend him do then?!" Remus had stumped the both of them. On that.

" You know whats funny? His Anxiety seemingly only spikes that badly because he is being told off near-daily by you three better-than-thous. And you call me the bad influence! " His entire body was tensed, and glaring a hole into the wall behind them.

Virgil gained his courage. Seeing how tensed Remus was, and also watching his head tilt towards the Morning star weapon hung above his dresser. He didnt want anyone to get hurt because of him. 

" Remus-" his soft plea was cut off, as Roman drew his sword and held it at Remus, only further escalting the conflict. Shouting about something about how he should cut Remus's head off right then.

" Remus! Please just shut the door on them." Virgil said standing behind him but in the light enough to be seen and heard.

" Vee.." 

The two, having been convinced that Virgil wasnt actually in his room stared wide-eyed at his sudden intrusion.

Patton started speaking but the words in it were nonsense to Remus's ears. His tone becoming harsher and his voice growing louder and louder until he was screaming about how bad Virgil was for doing this to all of them and playing these games. Virgil backed against Remus's bedpost to get away from from the cold hearted stares from the figures in front of his human sheild, starting to hyperventilate.

Remus locked eyes with his brother, speaking with glances to get the fuck away. His brother said nothing in response, but he knew why his twin had lied before hand. Having never seen Patton this worked up over anything and actually holding a slight bit of care for the boy he was originally on a quest to "save" he started to usher Patton away from the door.

" You'll never be good until you stop hanging with and acting like this horrible filithy cretin. If you wanna stay with us Grow Up." It was with that he finally slapped a hand over his mouth and stomped off. 

Roman looked back and forth between the seething hatred in his brother's eyes and the breaking down march of the man he was currently sleeping with. He was having a problem processing it all.

He was meak, reduced by the screaming and the threats Patton was making about cutting people off entirely.  
"Take.. ca- " he began trying to ease into not being part of the problem.

" I already have been." With that sort of response from his brother. Roman ran down the hall after Patton. Trying also to find something in his phone, presumably calling Logan. 

Virgil was alright, he was alright. Maybe.. maybe now they could just exist without worrying of others. Patton's words echod in his head, trapping him in his position.

It took all his strength to keep himself steady in the door frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promised smuttiness has been delayed both because this infactuated my brain and because it has been actually ages since ive wrote smut. Expecially gay smut. So i may have it be decidedly less like erotica style and more or a sensual experience. Idkyet. It will come. Later.. i promise. 
> 
> Also screw the making the series the set i might as well do it as chapters.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I wrote this while high on my own desires. Purely authorial wish fufillment with stand in characters. However i did try to add in more in character moments. And probably will continue to until im completely satisfied with the story.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
